One day more

Can you believe that TOMORROW I fly to Russia? It's seriously so crazy. Half of the elders in my district left this morning, flying to Novosibirsk. Saying goodbye to them last night was really rough, and I'm not going to lie.... I cried way more than I expected to. Something about spending 14 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 9 weeks.... it really gets you attached, huh? My good friend Ben Moore (going to Novo) commanded me to write him a list of every stress if I'm feeling stressed, just like he would make me do here. It sounds really dumb, but it really works. Of all the elders, he was definitely the one I was closest with. Novosibirsk is a lucky place to get the 5 of them: Elder Stucki, Elder Allen, Elder Hodgson, Elder Moore, and Elder Lewis.

This last week has literally been a blur. A BLUR. We've been frantically packing, so that's been great. At the MTC, in the mornings I either have gym, personal study time, or service (they make you clean and call it "service"-- the fact that it's not optional just cracks me up [we are lucky enough to clean the building we live in, so we just roll out of bed and basically start cleaning sinks, mirrors, etc.]). Every day we have class from 9:15-12:15 then some more study time of some sort. We have lunch at 1:50 (or rather, stand in line for FOREVER and by the time you get to the front, they're serving corndogs again because they ran out of the entree-- AGAIN). I love the MTC. It's funny because people will generally say "you'll miss the food here!" and I either think to myself "what food?" or just laugh hysterically because....nope. There is no way I'll miss the food here.

My favorite entrees so far:
shepherd's pie-- they make a MEAN shepherd's pie, and I'm pretty critical about that kind of stuff (especially compared to mom's)
chicken tenders-- but basically I just like these because I like chicken tenders
.....I'm struggling to remember what else there is. haha. but everyday they also have fruit (the same fruit everyday) pineapple, canteloupe, and honeydew. It's awesome and today I will be feasting on pineapple for the last time for 16 months. yay binge eating!

After lunch we do something on the computer every day, whether it's TALL (the language learning program) or missionary portal (where we have to do Preach My Gospel assessments, language assessments, etc.) Then we have class 3:50-6:50. Then it's dinner time! After dinner we either have more study time or gym (depending on the day of the week). And basically that is my life here.

This last Thursday, we did something called "In-Field Training" where they sit you down in a room (with like 900 other people) and talk to you about what the real world is like ;)
It was actually a really cool orientation (it just literally took all.day.long.) and they really focused on getting to know people instead of just thinking of them as another number. These are the things that I really enjoyed learning:
don't fall into routines when finding people-- treat them as individuals
ask EVERYONE for referrals
key indicators (numbers) make you work smarter not harder
set goals THEN make plans
numbers do matter (because every soul matters to God)
don't miss out on finding opportunities
when you feel in over your head, that forces you to turn to the Lord
prep the members for lessons

On of the first days here, our teacher Sis. O'Neil asked us to write in our journals why we came on a mission. This last week, she told us to write in our journals why we are staying on a mission. She told us to do this evaluation several times on our mission because the reasons for staying will change every couple of months. In my original entry I wrote: "I can do hard things, and I want to become the kind of person whom missionaries come home as. I have a testimony-- which I sometimes forget about-- that I want to strengthen. [I] read confirmation about a mission in my patriarchal blessing. I want to share the happiness that I KNOW THIS GOSPEL BRINGS with other people."

And so now I'm thinking about why I'm staying, but it's so complicated that I think I'll work it all out in my head before I try to type it here. But I think it's so fascinating and so TRUE that the reasons for staying on a mission are different than the reasons for coming in the first place. Something that I've truly come to reason is that you really have to have a testimony in your mission call to be able to make it out here. Everything is constantly telling me to go home-- whether it's me missing my bed, the elders in my district unintentionally being rude, etc. But it's only because I have such a strong testimony in my mission call that I stay most of the time. I remember the spirit I felt when I opened it. I remember how I deeply felt that there is SOMEONE in Yekaterinburg (or the surrounding areas :]) who only I, Catie Brown, can help. And it's a great feeling. And I really think that that's what's keeping me going about 50% of the time. And on the days that I'm doubting myself the most (or even the Gospel), I just remember all the spiritual experiences I've had here, in my previous life, etc. that have helped me feel the spirit. I can't deny the spirit that I've felt in my life. It's so incredible to be able to feel it every.single.day. on my mission. It's beautiful.

I'm scared out of my mind, I'm not going to lie. And I'm feeling especially nervous today because I leave TOMORROW. (whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?) but really. I'm scared to do all the things that missionaries do. I get courage from a speaker who spoke at the MTC. He said that when he was in high school, he was scared to ask out the prettiest girl in school. But one day, a guy passed him a note, asking the speaker to ask out the girl for this other guy. So, the speaker mustered up the courage to ask out the girl, and the only way he had enough courage to was because he had a note telling him to do it. I hope that made sense. But basically, he told us that WE SHOULDN'T BE EMBARRASSED TO DO ANYTHING. Because none of it is for us. We've got a note from Jesus, and that should be courage enough (our mission call is the note). And it's true. I shouldn't be afraid or nervous to proselyte because it's Christ's gospel.

Sorry this letter is pretty scrambled. :) I'm sorry to hear about mom and dad's weird rashes-- that sounds weird. I hope it gets better! I'm glad to hear that Eric had fun at all his awesome stuff. I will be frantically writing real letters today, and he should expect one in the mail soon :) I hope Heather gets back safely from Washington, and I guess I'll call her tomorrow! I also really appreciated the letter from Laura and she will get a reply as well! Life as missionary is pretty crazy, so it takes a while to reply sometimes.

pictures: me and one of the ukrainian-serving sisters
my district and our 2 adopted sisters serving in ukraine (on of them is Elysse Barnes who knows both Kristen and Heather! that was funny to find out)
the classic map pictures
cafeteria shots

Have a wonderful, fabulous, incredible and great day!!!!

Love, cecmpa Brown